Divorce Attorney Erin Birt

When the Attorney Becomes the Witness: A Personal Reflection on Fear, Integrity, and the Hidden Cost of Litigation

After more than 20 years in family law, I thought I had seen most of what our legal system could throw at me. I've served as a Guardian ad Litem in difficult cases. I've testified in contested hearings. I've worked with clients in crisis, and I've stood in courtrooms advocating for what's fair and just. Recently, I was reminded, viscerally, of something many of us try to forget: the courtroom, even for seasoned professionals, can feel like a place of fear and exposure.

Not too long ago, I was subpoenaed to testify in a family law matter. This is typical for the role I often play in family law matters, however, most cases settle. My role in this particular matter had been narrow and clearly defined. I wasn't the trial attorney. I wasn't litigating any claims.

But as the case escalated, attorneys for the parties began disputing issues that were once informally resolved. I was unexpectedly pulled into the courtroom to testify. And although my work had been initially helpful, I was now expected to testify, explain, and justify it under oath. My role was no longer helping parents stay out of the court room, rather they placed me directly in it.

I wasn't on trial. I had done nothing wrong. But when you're subpoenaed to testify, especially in a case where you did everything right, it can feel invasive. Unwelcome. Vulnerable.

On the stand, I was asked to recall details, court filings, and matters otherwise private. I was questioned by attorneys on both sides. It wasn't hostile, but it was uncomfortable. The questions were specific, the atmosphere was tense, and I felt an uneasiness I hadn't experienced in years. I answered honestly and calmly. I clarified that my role and that my services had been provided to help resolve, not prolong, the dispute.

Still, I walked out feeling unsettled. Even with my years of experience and a spotless record, I felt physically sick. Not because I feared a consequence, but because the experience of being pulled into litigation, unnecessarily, reminded me just how taxing and personal the process can feel.

And that's when it hit me: this is what my clients feel.

That knot in your stomach. That sense of being judged, picked apart, or misunderstood. That fear that even if you've done everything right, you might be mischaracterized or dragged into something you didn't start.

I've always known intellectually that court can be overwhelming for families. But this time, I felt it. Personally. And painfully.

This experience only deepens my commitment to what I've spent my career building: a way forward that protects people from exactly this kind of harm. Restorative Divorce® isn't just a method. It's a shield. It's a commitment to helping people resolve family law issues with dignity, clarity, and compassion, without exposing them to the trauma of litigation.

I have deep respect for my colleagues who litigate. They are skilled advocates, and in some cases, litigation is necessary. But I've chosen a different path. I believe there is another way, one that doesn't feed conflict, but fosters understanding and stability.

For those who are open to that path, you are welcome here. I will guide you from what is known and expected—from adversarial procedures and positional thinking, to what can be: a future where your family is not defined by what was broken, but by how it was rebuilt.

So to my clients, past and future: I get it. More than ever.

And I promise to keep doing everything I can to protect you from the unnecessary harm litigation can bring. Not because court is inherently bad, but because you deserve better than to have your life defined by conflict.