Finding Your North Star in Divorce Practice

One of the harder lessons in building a professional practice is learning that being capable of doing something does not necessarily mean you should do it.

I recently had the opportunity to present on Practice Building during a 40-hour mediation training. In preparing for that presentation, I spent a lot of time thinking about how my own practice has evolved over nearly two decades as an Illinois family law attorney and mediator: what I did when I started, what I do now, and perhaps most importantly, what I have deliberately chosen to stop doing.

We talked about business plans, referral relationships, weekly schedules, finances, and the practical decisions that allow a law or mediation practice to grow. But underneath all of those topics was something less tangible: discipline.

Building a practice isn't simply about finding more work. At some point, it also becomes about deciding what work belongs in the practice you are trying to build.

Lawyers are trained to solve problems. When someone comes to us with a legal issue that falls within our area of practice, the natural response is to determine how we can help. Early in a career, that often means taking a wide variety of matters, gaining experience, and learning what we do well. Over time, something else happens, we begin to understand not only what we can do, but what we believe we should be doing. That understanding requires looking at a perfectly legitimate matter and asking: Does this still belong in the practice I am building?

1. Sometimes a Family Law Case Changes

A family law case can begin completely aligned with a lawyer's practice and gradually become something different. Many things can change from the initial contact such as clients' goals change, relationships change, or new information emerges. Sometimes, a cooperative divorce process can become adversarial. A matter expected to resolve privately may require substantial court involvement. Sometimes the client's desired outcome simply changes. None of that means anyone did anything wrong. It does mean, however, that lawyers should periodically ask whether the representation still fits the work they have chosen to do.

That question becomes particularly important for a solo practitioner. Every new divorce or family law matter represents more than billable hours. It represents future calendar space, administrative resources, professional responsibility, and risk. It also occupies mental space that cannot simultaneously be devoted to another client. Looking back at why a client originally contacted the firm can be illuminating. Sometimes the answer is reassuring: Yes, this was exactly the kind of case I intended to accept. Then the next question matters just as much: Is it still that case?

For lawyers intentionally building a particular type of family law practice, that question can become increasingly important. A matter that originally fit an amicable divorce, mediation, or other non-adversarial model may evolve in a direction that is better served by another attorney or another type of practice. Recognizing that change isn't necessarily a failure, it is good practice management.

2. Finding Your North Star in Divorce and Mediation Practice

Over nearly two decades of practicing family law in Illinois, my own North Star has become clearer. Today, my family law and mediation work focuses largely on guiding individuals and families in primarily in DuPage, Cook, Kane, and Will Counties navigate divorce in a more thoughtful and constructive way.

Through my Restorative Divorce® work, I help people prepare, reflect, make informed decisions, and support their children without unnecessarily relying on the court system. I care deeply about what happens to children while their parents restructure their lives and about preserving family relationships that will continue long after an Illinois divorce judgment is entered. Over time, though, I have also realized that I don't have to be the lawyer or mediator sitting at the table with a family to make a difference in how that family experiences divorce. I realized I can share my experience with other family professionals.

Through my consulting practice Ask Erin, and as a IDFPR continuing education sponsor and trainer for mental health professionals, I work with fellow professionals on practice building, mediation, and developing services that give families meaningful alternatives to traditional divorce litigation. I also teach and train family law mediators and work to increase knowledge about mediation within our professional and local communities.

That work may be one step removed from an individual family, but its purpose is connected to the same North Star. When we train better mediators, build sustainable mediation practices, educate professionals about constructive dispute resolution, and increase public understanding of alternatives to litigation, we create more opportunities for families to move through divorce with less unnecessary conflict. When we reduce the harm experienced by children during divorce, the effects can extend well beyond one family. Those children grow up, form relationships, raise families, and become members of our future communities.

That is why my North Star isn't defined by a particular service. It influences the divorce and family law cases I accept, the books I write, the educational materials I create, the professionals I teach, the consulting work I undertake, and the services I choose to offer. And that clarity makes some decisions easier. There are perfectly legitimate Illinois family law matters that I am qualified to handle but that no longer move my practice toward that North Star. That does not make those cases bad. It does not make the clients difficult. And it certainly does not mean another capable family law attorney shouldn't enthusiastically accept them. It simply means they may belong in a different firm.

3. Turning Down Family Law Revenue Requires Discipline

The easiest case to decline is one we cannot handle. The harder case to decline is one we can handle. There may be money available. The client may be pleasant. We may already know the facts. We may have invested time in the matter. And because we are capable of continuing, it is easy to convince ourselves that we should. That is where discipline comes in.

For a solo family law attorney, there are no partners down the hall sharing the decision about what risks the firm should assume. There is no larger institution absorbing the time, overhead, malpractice exposure, or opportunity cost associated with a matter. Those decisions ultimately belong to the owner of the practice. That makes it important to look several steps ahead.

What might this representation look like six months from now? What professional responsibility am I assuming? Does the likely destination fit the practice I am building? Am I continuing because this is genuinely work I want my firm to perform or simply because the case is already here?

Sometimes the disciplined decision is to transition a matter appropriately, help the client find an Illinois family law attorney whose practice is better suited to what the matter has become, and make that transition as seamless as possible.

Discipline also requires that you acknowledge that there is an opportunity cost to saying yes. Every matter occupies capacity. Sometimes recognizing that a good case is no longer the right case is precisely how we leave room for the next client who is.

About Erin Birt

Erin Birt is an Illinois family law attorney, divorce mediator, educator, author, and founder of Birt Family Law and Ask Erin. Her family law and mediation practice serves families primarily in DuPage, Cook, Kane, and Will Counties. Through Restorative Divorce®, mediation, professional education, writing, and consulting, her work focuses on helping families and the professionals who serve them approach divorce and conflict in ways designed to reduce unnecessary harm to children, families, and future communities.

Frequently Asked Questions

What types of divorce and family law matters does Birt Family Law handle in Illinois?

Birt Family Law focuses on amicable divorce, divorce mediation, Restorative Divorce®, parenting matters, and other processes intended to help families resolve divorce and co-parenting issues constructively. The firm primarily serves families in DuPage, Cook, Kane, and Will Counties in Illinois.

What is Restorative Divorce®?

Restorative Divorce® is Erin Birt's process using three tools to allow clients to prepare, reflect, and support their children without relying unnecessarily on the court system. The focus extends beyond obtaining a divorce judgment to helping families make thoughtful decisions about what happens during and after divorce.

Does every Illinois divorce have to be litigated in court?

No. Although an Illinois divorce ultimately requires court involvement to enter the final judgment, spouses do not necessarily have to litigate their disagreements before a judge. Depending on the circumstances, parenting and financial issues may be resolved through divorce mediation, negotiation, collaborative processes, or other amicable approaches before the necessary documents are presented to the court.

How can divorce mediation help reduce family conflict?

Divorce mediation provides a structured process in which spouses can discuss parenting, financial, and other divorce-related issues with the assistance of a neutral mediator. Resolving disagreements outside contested litigation can give parents more opportunity to focus on problem-solving, communication, and the family relationships that continue after divorce.

Why would a family law attorney decline a case they are qualified to handle?

Legal competence is only one consideration when deciding whether to accept or continue a matter. Lawyers may also consider whether the case fits their practice focus, available resources, professional philosophy, workload, risk tolerance, and the services their firm has chosen to provide.

Can a divorce case stop fitting a law firm's practice after representation begins?

Yes. Clients' goals and circumstances can change, and a divorce or family law matter can develop in ways that were not anticipated when the representation began. When that happens, the attorney and client may need to evaluate whether continuing the relationship remains appropriate, subject to the attorney's professional obligations and applicable court rules.

Is turning down family law work bad for a solo law practice?

Not necessarily. Sustainable law practice management requires deliberate decisions about the matters a firm accepts. Declining work that does not fit a firm's direction can preserve time and resources for clients and services that more closely align with the firm's goals and services.

What does it mean for a divorce or mediation practice to have a “North Star”?

A North Star is the larger purpose or principle that guides decisions about the clients a professional serves, the services a practice offers, and the direction in which the practice is intended to grow. For Birt Family Law and Ask Erin, that includes guiding families and professionals find constructive approaches to divorce and conflict that can reduce unnecessary harm to children, families, and communities.