Welcome to Restorative Divorce
Listen to our podcast, here.
[00:02] Erin Birt: Welcome to Restorative Divorce, the podcast that's here to guide you through the challenging journey of divorce and co parenting with clarity, compassion, and empowerment. I'm your host, Erin Birt, and I'm thrilled to be your companion on this transformative path.
[00:17] Divorce can be one of the most emotionally and logistically complex experiences in life. But here at restorative divorce, we believe in a different approach, one that prioritizes healing, understanding, and cooperation over conflict and contention.
[00:32] Throughout each episode, we'll dive deep into all things divorce and co parenting related, offering you invaluable insights, practical strategies, and expert advice to help you navigate this terrain with confidence.
[00:45] From communication tips to legal guidance, and from coping mechanisms to co parenting strategies, we've got you covered. So whether you're just beginning to contemplate divorce in the middle of the process or navigating life post divorce, you're in the right place.
Introduction to Today's Topic
[01:08] Hi, I'm Erin Birt. I am the mediator and family law attorney here at Birt family law, and today I wanted to talk to you about the effects of alcohol misuse on child custody and parenting time.
[01:24] And every parent and prospective parents should be aware that substance abuse can lead to restrictions in terms of child visitation in custody. In some situations, excessive alcohol use can preclude even limited custody and visitation.
[01:43] But what matters most is whether the other parent can prove that the alcohol use exists and that it negatively impacts the parenting ability of that parenthood. So let's take a closer look at exactly how alcohol misuse can affect child custody and visitation.
Proving Alcohol Misuse in Custody Cases
[02:02] If a divorcing spouse or separating parent can prove their husband or wife abuses alcohol, the stage is set for a judge presiding over the divorce or parenting matter to rule in favor of the party that does not abuse alcohol.
[02:17] A favorable award to that sober parent or the non using parent can significantly minimize or even eliminate parenting time.
[02:26] Ideally, the attorneys representing the parents during the legal process.
[02:31] Ideally, they would reach a mutually beneficial agreement that recognizes the potential impact of alcoholism on the child and reflect the shortcoming of alcohol misuse with specific language pertaining to parenting time.
[02:48] Such an agreement can prove mutually beneficial to both parents and the child, as it still allows for interactions, albeit at a limited frequency and for a limited duration. But studies show that safe parent child contact during periods of even substance misuse or a relapse is beneficial.
[03:09] So the alternative to working out such a settlement agreement to the benefit of a child is to let the judge determine the parameters of parenting time that can take a significant amount of time.
Custody, Decision-Making, and Alcohol Misuse
[03:22] However, it is an option every parent wants to say that they are involved in their child's life and that they are involved in the living arrangements, the education,
[03:36] and the decisions for even potential career training after high school.
[03:41] But a parent deemed using or misusing alcohol, or somebody that has perhaps alcohol abuse or addiction in their past,
[03:52] they have the potential to be awarded no decision making responsibilities.
[03:59] So there's a significant difference between joint and sole custody,
[04:03] joint decision making responsibilities, and only one parent making those decisions.
[04:09] And we have to try to figure out how can co parents that have substance misuse involved communicate about those significant decision making responsibilities in a productive way so they reach resolutions and stay out of the court.
[04:25] So decisions shaped by parents about everything from the child's school to their living arrangements,
[04:31] extracurricular activities, and even more important matters throughout the course of adolescence are of utmost importance. And so we really need to make sure that parents are able to communicate appropriately.
[04:43] And sometimes that is the difference between joint decision making responsibilities being awarded to a party or sole decision making responsibilities so that the child can progress through all those important milestones.
Sole Custody and Child Support
[05:00] A parent with sole custody has complete control over the child's life, albeit until that point when the child reaches the age of adulthood or legally emancipates themselves. A parent with sole child custody or sole decision making responsibilities is likely to receive court mandated child support payments, especially if the other party was the breadwinner in the relationship or has been determined to be not as involved,
[05:29] does not have many overnights with the child,
[05:32] and that might be because of the context of substance abuse decision making responsibilities. While typically not tied to child support,
[05:41] substance misuse has those overlapping qualities of drastically changing the decision making responsibilities, drastically changing overnights, and then maybe causing child support to be somewhat different than anticipated.
Joint Custody Challenges with Substance Misuse
[05:56] There's also a potential for a family court judge to determine joint custody as fair, albeit with some limitations and guidelines, especially if one parent has a track record of substance misuse or is an act of addiction.
[06:11] The challenge lies in the attorney representing the parent saddled by substance misuse. The challenge is with that attorney making a convincing argument and painting the picture with support,
[06:25] that joint custody is the optimal family arrangement moving forward. That's a very, very difficult picture to paint.
[06:35] In some situations, joint custody is agreed to, even amidst the divorce proceedings, but it may be fleshed out in a lot of details by each side so that everybody understands that we are considering the potential or the current substance misuse.
Alternative Paths for Families Facing Substance Misuse
[06:58] So what is a good pathway forward for families that are separating and they have substance misuse either in the past or currently in their family dynamic? So if a parent is struggling with alcohol addiction or substance misuse, conventional divorce might not be the optimal path forward.
[07:21] It might not give you the outcome that benefits you and the child.
[07:26] The traditional divorce process has the potential to empower a subjective family court judge or opposing counsel to steer the course of your child's life and also shape your own life for the better or the worse moving forward.
[07:41] So if you are considering permanently separating from somebody and you have a child,
[07:48] there should be some options available to you rather than just being at the mercy of the litigation system. If everybody is safe, if there's not active addiction, but there are concerns that we need to take into account,
[08:04] you might be able to take a different path, and that might be through restorative divorce, and that might be through another process, mediation.
Mediation as an Alternative to Court
[08:14] So restorative divorce professionals such as myself,
[08:20] I will work with all of the appropriate professionals to come up with that settlement agreement that takes care of the details. Should relapse happen, should substance misuse get to the point where it's interfering with the best interests of the child.
[08:37] And so you need to look out for somebody that understands substance use, understands substance misuse, and also understands drafting an appropriate parenting plan to factor in all of the considerations that are needed.
[08:52] Mediation can also help. That is, when the two parents are going to work together privately and have these difficult discussions, but have them privately and not in a public courtroom.
[09:04] So mediation is available as another form of alternative dispute resolution.
[09:10] It makes it easier to establish what each party deems relevant and what each party determines to be a good arrangement in terms of child custody and visitation.
[09:24] Mediation bypasses the traditional court litigation process,
[09:28] and you rely on a trained mediator, well versed in substance misuse, well versed in divorce or parenting matters, so that they can help oversee the conflict in a informal setting so you can have those important discussions.
Working with Attorneys and Mediators
[09:45] Now, in some situations, divorce attorneys can also help clients prepare for mediation or even step in to review the resulting agreements before the matter is resolved. As a mediator, I work often with a team, and I view that team as my clients, the parents and their attorneys.
[10:04] And sometimes the attorneys actually come to the session so that we can work on an agreement in real time. And that is one of the optimal ways to have important discussions about substance abuse, substance misuse, and does it affect the children, and can we come up with plan a and plan b and have that be agreeable to the family so they know what parenting plan they need to follow at what time.
[10:31] And so we often work with divorce attorneys. I often work as a divorce attorney with clients that need this particular knowledge to help move their divorce or separation forward. So regardless of the route you choose,
[10:48] we're here to help you find a mutually beneficial outcome that is well suited for your child or children.
Next Steps and Support
[10:58] So we offer a free 15 minutes call here just to learn more about your circumstances, and then we can set you for a planning session with me. We can either then move forward with legal services, where I'm consulting with you, or negotiating with another attorney to write your parenting plan up so that we minimize court,
[11:18] but we maximize that legal process so that you're protected and your children are protected. I also will work with you after a planning session if the other parent is agreeable in mediation.
[11:29] So there's two routes at my office. I can do legal services or I can do mediation to help you. And if you need to learn more about either of those paths, or more about how possible substance issues can arise and how to deal with them, please give our office a call.
Closing Thoughts
[11:53] And that's a wrap for today's episode of restorative divorce. We hope you found the insights shared here valuable and empowering. Remember, divorce and co parenting may present challenges, but they also offer opportunities for personal growth and positive change.
[12:08] By embracing a positive approach, we can transform conflict into cooperation and pain into healing. If you have any questions, comments, or topics you'd like us to explore in future episodes, don't hesitate to reach out.
[12:20] Your feedback is invaluable to us. Until next time, remember to prioritize self care, nurture your relationships, and approach every challenge with courage and compassion. Thank you for tuning in to restorative divorce.
[12:32] Take care and we'll catch you on the next episode.
Find other helpful podcast episodes here.
