Is Your Divorce Starting Before You Even Get Married?

Posted by Erin Birt | Jun 29, 2016 | 0 Comments

Some divorces are a huge surprise to both the couple and their families. Other can be seen coming from a long way off, well before the wedding.

A recent Huffington Post article offered thoughts from counselors and divorce mediators on how to know whether you're really ready for marriage.

Here are a few worth noting—and sharing.

  • KEEPING SECRETS – If you're keeping secrets from your future spouse—about finances, substance abuse, certain friendships, or anything he or she should know—reconsider your marriage. The same is true if you know or suspect your partner is hiding things from you.

  • HAVING DIFFERENT MORALS/BELIEFS – While this can be overcome, it takes a great deal of work and compromise. If that sounds daunting, consider working with a counselor before you get married because these issues often cause marriages to fail.

  • THINKING YOU–OR MARRIAGE–CAN CHANGE YOUR PARTNER – The person you're marrying will probably be the same pre- and post-marriage. If you don't love the person for who he or she is right now—warts and all—you're not ready for marriage.

  • FEELING SCARED ABOUT MONOGAMY – This is a conversation that should happen well before the wedding plans are made, particularly if you're thinking about an open marriage. Visit a counselor separately or together to discuss commitment issues and put off the wedding until this is resolved.

  • SEEING DIVORCE AS AN EASY WAY OUT – Are you getting married thinking that you'll just get divorced if things don't work out? That's a huge red flag that you're not ready for the commitment of marriage. You can't just walk away. Divorce involves issues of property division, child and spousal support, and financial planning, to name a few.

As a DuPage County Divorce Attorney, I know that divorce can be painful, expensive, and create emotional scars for everyone involved, especially children. However, if you find yourself on that road, I can help make it easier through mediation and collaboration. Contact me for more information.

About the Author

Erin Birt

Since 2003, Erin N. Birt, J.D., CADC has focused her practice on parenting time, divorce, mediation, and substance abuse issues. Ms. Birt's unique background in both family law and addictions counseling help her clients successfully navigate the complex issues of coparenting and divorce. Ms. Birt also devotes her time to presenting at continuing education seminars for attorneys, mediators, and counselors.


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