When Co-Parents Disagree About Decisions for Their Child
If you are here, there is a good chance you are facing a parenting decision that feels harder than it should. You may be trying to stay calm, avoid another argument, or figure out how to move forward when you and your co-parent see things differently.
You may have questions like these:
• How do divorced parents make decisions about their child?
• What if my co-parent and I disagree about school?
• What happens when parents disagree about medical decisions for a child?
• My ex and I can't agree about sports or activities. What should we do?
• How do you talk to a difficult co-parent about your child?
• What if my co-parent refuses to communicate about decisions?
• How do you make parenting decisions after divorce?
• What if my co-parent and I see things differently for our child?
• How do parents avoid arguments when making decisions for their child?
• What if a co-parent conversation turns into a fight?
The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™ was created to help parents approach these situations with more structure and clarity.
Stuck on a Decision About Your Child?
These three tools are designed to help parents approach decisions with greater clarity and structure.
Each guide can be used individually or together as part of the Complete Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™. All three are inspired by over 20 years of experience supporting co-parents, along with the gentle themes found in Rudy & Ali: A Listening Ear & A Cozy Corner.
The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™
Practical Tools for Difficult Parenting Decisions Between Co-Parents
When parents live in separate homes, important decisions about their child do not disappear. Questions about school, medical care, sports, travel, and other opportunities still arise. Many parents want to make thoughtful decisions for their child but find that conversations with a co-parent can quickly become stressful or unproductive.
Quick Links
- - What is The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™
- - The Decision Roadmap
- - The Conversation Guide
- - The Decision Workbook
- - Where To Find Guides
- - Why The Toolkit Was Created
- - FAQ about Co-Parent Decisions
What is The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™
The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™ was created to help parents slow down these conversations and approach decisions in a more structured and thoughtful way. It's our way to help the many parents that search online when they cannot agree with their co-parent about decisions involving their child, such as school choices, medical care, activities, or travel opportunities.
Inspired by the themes of stability and reassurance in Rudy & Ali: A Listening Ear & A Cozy Corner, these guides translate those ideas into practical tools parents can use during real conversations.
Each guide is Part of The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™ and may be used individually or together.
These resources are designed to help parents navigate discussions involving:
• school choices and education decisions
• medical and therapy decisions
• extracurricular activities and sports
• religious upbringing
• travel opportunities
• schedule changes and life transitions
The goal is not to eliminate differences of opinion.
The goal is to help parents approach decisions calmly while keeping their child's wellbeing at the center.
What's Included in the Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™
The three guides help parents prepare for conversations, structure discussions, and organize decisions.
The Co-Parent Decision Roadmap
Decide in Six Steps
Important decisions about children can feel overwhelming after separation or divorce.
The Co-Parent Decision Roadmap, part of the Complete Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™, introduces a structured framework parents can use whenever a decision arises involving their child.
Rather than reacting emotionally or getting stuck in conflict, parents learn how to move through a thoughtful decision process designed to keep the focus on their child's needs.
This guide can be used whenever parents are discussing decisions involving education, health care, activities, travel, or other opportunities.
The Co-Parent Conversation Guide
Stay CALM and PACE Yourself
Many parenting decisions break down not because parents do not care about their child, but because conversations become tense or emotional.
The Co-Parent Conversation Guide, which is part of the Complete Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™, provides a simple communication structure parents can use before and during difficult conversations.
Parents learn how to prepare for discussions, slow down conversations, and approach disagreements with greater clarity and patience.
These reminders help parents keep conversations productive while focusing on their child.
The Co-Parent Decision Worksheet
Organizing Decisions About Your Child
Sometimes conversations move in circles.
The Co-Parent Decision Workbook, part of The Complete Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™, provides a structured space for parents to organize information, clarify the decision being discussed, and document important points during conversations.
Parents may complete the workbook before a conversation or use it together during a discussion to help keep the conversation focused.
Where to Find the Guides
These three tools are designed to work together, giving parents a clear, structured way to communicate and make decisions.
Buy on Amazon Below
Available in U.S. and internationally, where offered
Fast fulfillment through Amazon
Kindle version when available
The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™ is available in paperback on Amazon.
The Co-Parent Decision Workbook
Organize your thoughts, clarify options, and document important parenting conversations.
The Co-Parent Decision Roadmap
A simple six-step framework for making thoughtful parenting decisions together.
The Co-Parent Conversation Guide
Practical tools for preparing for difficult conversations with greater calm, patience, and purpose.
Inspired by Rudy & Ali: A Listening Ear & A Cozy Corner, these companion guides encourage parents to keep the focus where it belongs—on their child.
All are available in paperback on Amazon (click on the title above to view the Amazon link).
Why These Guides Were Created
As a family law attorney and mediator working with parents and children for more than two decades, Erin Birt has seen how difficult parenting decisions can become after separation or divorce.
Many parents want to make thoughtful decisions but struggle with communication or uncertainty about how to approach the discussion.
The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™ reflects the same structured approach many families use during mediation when working toward child-centered decisions.
These guides are designed to help parents bring more structure, patience, and clarity to conversations involving their child.
Frequently Asked Questions About Co-Parent Decisions
What is The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit?
The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit is a collection of structured guides designed to help parents prepare for discussions and decisions involving their children after separation or divorce. Each guide focuses on a specific topic and provides questions, considerations, and discussion points to help parents stay child-focused and organized.
Who is The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit designed for?
The toolkit is designed for separated, divorced, and never-married parents who share responsibility for making important decisions involving their children. It can be used independently or alongside mediation, counseling, parenting coordination, or legal services.
How do divorced parents decide things for their child?
Many parenting plans require parents to discuss major decisions together. These may include decisions about school, medical care, therapy, extracurricular activities, and religious upbringing. Structured discussions can help parents keep the focus on the child.
What if my co-parent and I cannot agree about something involving our child?
Disagreements are common after separation or divorce. Parents may benefit from slowing down the discussion, gathering additional information, or seeking guidance from a mediator, therapist, or family professional.
How do you talk to a co-parent who refuses to listen?
Many parents find it helpful to approach conversations with a clear structure and specific discussion points rather than reacting emotionally during the conversation.
What are common things divorced parents argue about?
Parents commonly disagree about school choices, extracurricular activities, sports commitments, medical or therapy decisions, travel opportunities, and schedules.
How do you keep a co-parent conversation from turning into an argument?
Preparing for conversations in advance and focusing on the child's needs rather than past conflict can help discussions stay productive.
Can these guides be used without a lawyer or mediator?
Yes. These guides were written so parents can use them independently. Some families also choose to use structured tools alongside therapists, mediators, or parenting coordinators.
About Erin Birt
Erin Birt is a family law attorney and mediator who has worked with parents and children navigating family transitions for more than two decades. Her work focuses on helping families approach separation, divorce, and co-parenting decisions with greater clarity, stability, and respect.
Erin is the creator of the Restorative Divorce® approach, a process designed to help families resolve difficult decisions while minimizing conflict and protecting the wellbeing of children. Through her mediation work and educational resources, she encourages parents to slow down conversations, focus on their child's needs, and approach decisions thoughtfully.
She is also the author of Rudy & Ali: A Listening Ear & A Cozy Corner, a children's book that helps young children understand and process emotions during family change. The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™ was inspired by the same themes of patience, listening, and thoughtful decision-making that appear in the book.
Erin lives in Illinois with her family and their beloved Clumber spaniels, Rudy and Ali, who inspired the stories and illustrations behind these resources.
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Personal inscription available
Buy on Amazon
Available in U.S. and internationally, where offered
Fast fulfillment through Amazon
Kindle version when available
Explore the Restorative Divorce® Pathway
The Co-Parent Decision Toolkit™ is one of several resources designed to support families navigating separation and divorce.
Additional resources include:
• Rudy & Ali: A Listening Ear & A Cozy Corner
• The Kitchen Table Divorce® eBook
• The Kitchen Table Divorce® Companion Workbook (Coming Soon!)
• The 90-Day Restorative Divorce® Workbook
For parents seeking additional guidance, you may explore the Restorative Divorce® Pathway or Reach Out for Clear Guidance.
